Flood Gates

I have been doing spectacularly well lately. I've been really happy, I feel confident and I'm taking good care of myself. Many more days than not, I spend the day with a smile on my face. Pretty much from the time that I wake up till the time that I lay my head at night, I'm happy.

And then I have a day like today. Not a BAD day, by any means, a wonderful day as a matter of a fact, but then an extremely stressful good day. I had a Job Interview. Am I the only one who finds that to be the most stressful situation? I mean, I usually sit down and enjoy the conversation that I'm having, and try to contribute to the conversation whenever appropriate. No matter HOW WELL you do, you always walk out feeling like an idiot in one way or another. It's like a rule or something. Or is that just me?

Anyway, the interview went well, they were talking to me as if I was already on payroll by the time that I left, so I'm very hopeful.

So, I came home and I changed out of "the job interview"outfit and I started working on some of the things in my house which have really been falling behind. The laundry room was practically piled up to the ceiling, dust had started to gather and the place was really in need of a vacuum cleaner. I've been keeping myself really busy lately and things fall behind.

It was great though, this morning (pre-interview) my husband was up a few hours before me (he gets up at the most ungodly hour) and when I walked downstairs he had a cup of coffee waiting and he had cleaned the entire kitchen, and I later noticed that he had done two loads of laundry. I said "thank you, sweetheart” and he said "You have other things to think about today." What a blessing it is to have that man in my life. That's how we are EVERY day. This, when you think about it, probably contributes a lot to the fact that I am happy most days from the time that I wake up to the time that I sleep. He ALWAYS appreciates me. Even on the days when we are just getting on each other's nerves, and yes, that does happen on occasion, even on those days we always treat each other with love and with respect and with care.

I am such a fortunate woman.

So anyway, I came home, worked in the house, got a bit stressed out about it all because sometimes it's just a little bit TOO out of control. Still it wasn’t really a BAD thing. I felt motivated to get up and do it, burn off that energy. I purposefully planned today for that reason. I had the interview at 2:00 and I was home again around 4:00 and Erik was working in another city so he wasn't due home until about 9:00. I can NEVER find the energy to do housework in the mornings. Not unless I'm expecting someone. The nights that Erik works evenings are the nights that I can get things done.

Anyway, I kept myself pretty busy today but in a domestic princess kind of way, which is in totally NO way distracting to me. So I'm loading laundry, and what happens? I'm thinking and thinking and letting the stress that built up during the day start to hit me and I start thinking about a lot of things that have happened, or are happening in my life. All of those things that are out of any of my control, but still make me really sad. Still, I just push it aside and carry on with my work. So yeah, blah blah blah, a bunch of boring stuff I did.

Then around 8:45 my husband gets home and he's practically dragging himself through the door, exhausted after working a very long day, and knowing that he's also facing a very long day tomorrow. By around 9:15 he was falling asleep and was ready to go to bed.

So I was sitting here with my two little guinea pigs, and the flood gates just opened. I have accomplished a lot in the last few months. I have been working really hard to achieve the things that I want to achieve. I'm trying to start a brand new career in a brand new direction. I'm just really proactive in what I am doing lately, and I must admit that for so long I've been sitting back on the sidelines waiting for something to happen. Now I'm MAKING it happen.
All of that... it was just too much for a moment there. For a moment I didn't feel strong at all, or confident, or happy. The flood gates opened up and I just felt like a shell.




And then the moment passed.